Moses 7:63

...and they shall see us; and we will fall upon their necks, and they shall fall upon our necks, and we will kiss each other.

I think abut our reunion so much. I saw you yesterday, I waved and you just ignored me.
It hurts so bad.
When we reunite, I promise that all of the reasons I hurt right now, wont matter, nothing will matter except us in that moment, reunited. I forgive you, I hope you will forgive me.

I love you and miss you so much
xoxoxo
Mom

hot burning tears

I cannot suppress my hurt anymore, I try each day to keep things in check...but some days it bubbles over and brings hot burning tears to my eyes. I miss you so much it hurts my heart, I will see a picture or think of what we are missing out on together, I think about all your friends who miss you so much, we can't even bear to talk about it, but it's the unspoken thoughts and words that sit in the air, between us all that just really makes things uncomfortable.

The lump in my throat, throbs...wanting to be released, but I am at work, with Trenton, with people and cannot let go and just cry it out. I do when I am alone, but I try not to be alone with my thoughts. It hurts too much.

I miss you so much I ache.
I love you
I hope you are well
xoxox
Mom

Family Reunion

We had a family reunion yesterday, only you were missing.
I am not sure what's worse...nobody talking about it or people asking about you.
I cannot pretend your not missing or pretend I don't care, they see the pain in my heart and the tears start to well up in my eyes when I talk about you, even now as I write they just flow.

My dream was about you last night. I was talking to some older women, we were in my Nana's house ( Papa's mom) and you happened to be listening in... You then confronted me and asked me if these were the women that I was talking to about you, I said yes they are, they were older women, probably to signify how wise they were. I do not remember what they were saying to me, but you seemed happy that it was them I was talking to and then looked at me and told me you wanted to come back home. I cannot describe the emotion I felt, it almost blew me over. As I think about it right now, my whole body gets warm. I have never been more ecstatic. I wanted to tell nana right away but I was, for some reason, trying to hide the way I felt, trying to keep it cool, but all I could think about was Nana and Papa and how very happy they would be. I could not run to a phone or find a way to tell them without startling you, I was so worried you would change your mind.

That is all I can remember now, it gets foggy after that and some other random dreams started.

I miss you so much Alyssa
I hope you are safe and happy

I love you

Mom