Since my last post, I have flown 3000 miles across the US to see my son. He had
no idea I was coming, but I still went to try to get his attention, to try to
get him to talk to me and to show and tell him how much he means to me and I
love him. Drastic, and a bit dramatic? Probably, but at the time I decided to
take this trip, it had been about 4 months since I had heard from him and it was
affecting my entire life in a negative way, I had to do something. So, what
happened? Well a few things. I saw him for 1 hour, before I headed back to the
airport. He wouldn't see me sooner.
I learned a lot about myslef, it opened up my eyes to a lot of things and
now...I am back home and have had some time to come to the conclusion that I
need to stop chasing down my kids. They are adults. I cannot control them and
they cannot control me. My son actually told me my blog was embarrassing and I
needed to stop playing the victim. Wow. Ok... what did I say? I told him he
didn't need to read it if it embarrassed him so much. These are my thoughts,
experiences and words. This blog, it helps me to make sense of things.
Since that trip, some things have changed. My son and I are talking a bit more
regularly now. It wasn't because I went to see him, thats for sure. That trip in
no way was the reason for this. I am not sure what it was. It could have been
because he lost a freind, recently, to an overdose/adverse reaction to drugs, in
that awful moment of his life he reached out to me, and I was there for him.
Nothing will get in the way of me being there for him. I hope he realizes that.
It is an awful thing to lose friends at such a young age. We all go through it
at one time or another and unfortunately, he had to at 19. I've been working
towards not holding on so tightly. I give a lot up to God, I pray and I leave my
kids in His hands. He loves them, they are His children first. I'ts terrifying
to let go, but I have had to learn to do that for both my kids at different
ages. It still leaves me with a large lump in my throat and a stomach ache, but
that is only because I am still working on my faith.
Luke 17:6 He replied "If
you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain 'Move
from here to there and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you" Faith
over Fear... it is something that I strive for each day. My faith must overtake
the fear I have of losing my children.
About Me
- Renée Beck
- United States
- “Any attempt at alienating the children from the other parent should be seen as a direct and willful violation of one of the prime duties of parenthood” - J. Michael Bone and Michael R. Walsh, authors of “Parental Alienation Syndrome: How to Detect It and What to Do About It” -http://www.divorcesource.com. ---I am a mom who has survived Parental Alienation, It lasted 10 years. During those years of hopelessness, I started this blog to talk and share my feelings with my daughter. This was the only way for me to be heard, I shared my struggle and feelings. It helped me to heal, slowly. But more than that; it's become a platform for me, as I learn more about this epidemic, to inspire someone who might also be dealing with it. I hope my testimony and experience will help others survive when they feel like giving up. Don't give up, keep fighting and give it to God. It is the only thing that keeps me moving forward each day.
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You told me to be there at 5, I was there (you were not) I waited for you to arrive, you gave me 3 minutes You told me no flowers/cards/gi...
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Romans 15:5 "Now may the God of endurance and comfort give you unity with one another in accordance with Christ Jesus" Being ...
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