Time heals the wounds of the broken hearted

I question this every day. Does time really heal wounds, or does it make them too hard to heal?

My blog started as a way to deal with the pain and suffering I endured as my daughter was alienated from me, over 10 years went by before I had a chance to talk to her again. She was a 12 yr old girl when this started. Years went by with no communication at all. Finally, when she was 22, we started to talk again and now we are trying to figure out how we work. For me it wasn't a matter of learning where she fit in, because a child never leaves your heart, the piece that was missing, fit right back where she was meant to be. It was more about learning who she was now, and how, and why the time apart impacted us and the relationship that could have been. It has not been an easy reunification, the challenges that are present today are not only between her and I, they are with me, and the effect it is now having on my son and my relationship with him.

I never dreamed that me establishing a new relationship with my daughter, would lead to the one with my son, being strained. I simply cannot register this. I know why it is happening, but I cannot fathom why it has to be this way.

My son feels slighted, disrespected, he has told me I am not acknowledging his boundaries, and in a few cases he is right about that, I have acknowledged that and apologized for those betrayals. But still, he is not here, he does not want to talk to me yet, he needs more time. I am trying to put my feelings aside right now, trying to FULLY understand his so that my hurt feelings do not overpower his hurt and confusion. I know his love for me is what pushes him to warn me about my daughter so that I will not be hurt again.

What is not understood is the position I am in here. I have dreamed of the day my daughter and I would reunite, but never ever did I dream it would be at the cost of my relationship with my son.

I know how he feels about her, he feels as if she has betrayed him and his dad and their little brother. My daughter is no longer in contact with them, which is very hurtful to all. I know this because I have lived this. I have told her that the longer this conflict an estrangement lasts the longer it will take to heal. I have encouraged her to reach out to her dad and brothers because I know the love she has for them. My kids, they are adults and are both doing what is safe for them right now. I've learned I need to let go and let them feel and do what is best for them.

It's hard, so hard. Harder than I could ever imagine. I guess this goes to show that life never turns out how you expect it to.
So if time is what heals the wounds of the brokenhearted, I guess my question is how much time? God only knows.